Transference is when we project feelings from a there and then to a here and now.
This is typically spoken about in psychotherapy and more so in psychodynamic psychotherapy. [Psychodynamic psychotherapy is the term for the modern form of psychoanalysis versus more divergent offshoots, e.g. cognitive behavioral therapy. Psychodynamic psychotherapy emphasizes transference and the therapeutic relationship itself in order to get to the root of relational predicament and more.]
Transference happens outside of therapy too when we step into mom, dad, son, daughter or someone else with one another. Codependency is much about being trapped in this. Age can speak to who is who but can also happen in reverse order, like in an original belonging.
Transference is not bad. It’s part of platonic and romantic attraction. It’s part of the life force which magnetizes and repels us around. It’s in the pan-animistic eros within and without all of us and the cozy threads of healthy reparenting inherently longed for in the human condition.
If we find ourselves often as the object of someone else’s transference, we’re likely to hold weight and depth. This might be from composting well our pain or navigating a great quality or quantity of systemic adversity and complexity. While people often feel safe to unload around a larger sized person, it’s important we still stand next to and not too often behind. And regardless of how we got it, with weight, depth and power comes responsibility. Care, caution, pacing and boundaries thwart overwhelming transference. Transference is more likely when we’re not present - when we’re triggered, stressed, dysregulated, insecure or being fawned or preyed upon. We have to take ongoing account of our relationships with pleasure and power in order to navigate these waters well. When transference is not made conscious, we might get our needs met in unconscious acts, creating foggy and chaotic attachments instead of respectful accompaniment.
In order to sort out these dynamics and receive the treasure of them, we must keep flexing our minds open as we sort out what’s ours and theirs. When we’re adamantly certain about our interpretation of a dynamic, we might have more opportunity for evolution and primordial freedom in it. Relief comes when we can access the both-and of it. The co-created nature of it. The dual responsibility of it. And realizing each time unseen and unloved parts through it.
In family constellations, representation and the resonant field are employed as alchemical thirds to break up dyads and reveal loyalties to original transference dynamics that might be repeating, in mind and material reality. We work with what’s elemental, observing primary disorder and imbalance in the representation. The three-dimensional representation of what’s in our minds clarifies with compassionate witness, and with more essence than content.
Social media meme therapy has both given wider access to powerful psychological tenets and has diluted the terms down to non-nuanced binaries that other through labels. Parasocial and much virtual relationship has added new complexity to unchecked transference. Perhaps we’ve dysregulated from our soul in transferring our reciprocity with Earth, spirit and our non-human family to the field of the insecure internet.
To acknowledging and sorting through what’s real, present and alive within and without us!
