Accompaniment is being present with, holding steady with, or just being with. Accompaniment provides an underlying safety to make bigger acts of love, warmth and service receivable and effective. It is not doing something for someone or giving something to someone. It is not solving, advising, taking care of or helping.
A musical accompaniment supports other musical parts, provides a background sound. A hum. A tone. A note. A chord. Accompaniment is often inconspicuous and plain...at least on the surface. Someone who accompanies you exists with you, at the same time. And they try not to get in the way with their stuff. Someone who accompanies well has developed the capacity to not react to hardship nor defend against it with unsolicited advice or other anxieties. Accompaniment is a stance of non-judgement and soulful steadfastness.
You might ask if someone who accompanies is silent. Maybe. There is a sort of sound to accompaniment though, the sound of depth and fullness. That hum.
On a deeper level than silence, a person who accompanies is still. From that stillness, they are curious. They might gently note something that they notice, unattached from being correct and careful about projecting too much of what's inside them. They might repeat back what you said so that you can hear yourself or have the opportunity to slow down. They might put a hand on your shoulder, not necessarily to soothe you but to acknowledge you. They might quietly inquire about a feeling or need. They might share a metaphor, image or story that comes to them. They might ask about what it’s like for you in the moment, in your body. They might tell a joke to employ the grace of irreverence or levity. Their stance is one of respect for your experience and regard for what you know to be true for you without trying to change it. There is empathy and compassion but they don’t posture to know what it’s like to be you.
In what way might you practice and bring the skill of soulful accompaniment to your work, relationships or self?
In Family Constellations, the facilitator and the participants accompany through empathetic listening, compassion, curiosity, and deep regard for one another. This happens with words, movements, somatic sensing, the breath and stillness. When we trust the essential dignity of someone else’s experience in their system, they can find their own most natural and sustainable movements towards life and love.