I laughed so hard, I peed my pants.
I was way too old for that! I was 5!
And what did you do?
You laughed.
There was no diminishment of me in your laughter, however!
You thought it was great that I laughed that hard.
That you made me laugh that hard!
My little body couldn’t hold all that hilarity!
I wish I remembered what was so funny!
But I remember how sincere you were.
And how seen I felt. Even in my lack of self-containment -
A blessing of overflow! Of excess!
Humiliation transformed into dignity in that very instant. Installed as a meme, as a core memory, in my barely verbal existence. Thank you, Marguerite! Oh wow I’m just remembering that I called you Marguerite-y! It was to rhyme with Peggy Lee singing "We are Siamese if you please…”
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My grandmothers died before I was born.
You were my step grandmother. But you were connected to them. They were Mary and Martha, you Marguerite. And my middle name, Marie.
After the divorce, you stayed in contact with my mom. Continuity is hard to come by these days!
You wore emerald green boas and ruby red stilettos to vermont country thanksgiving dinners!
I wish I knew what music you listened to. What your favorite book was. I wish we could have one more giggle fit. I want one more time listening to you narrate what Bo, your slinky siamese cat, was saying as he lurked around the corners of your antique-filled double-wide home.
You were always bowling over with laughter, slapping your knee in amazement over what people were saying and doing. You always greeted me with a cheeky grin and eyes wide with big trickster curiosity. You wanted to know what I’d been up to. And made it all so glamorous, whatever I was sharing, just in the way that you listened! Pure candid delight.
I learn only now that you served the state legislature in 1955. Gosh, I want to know all about that. I see you setting example there, how to use power to make room for, and not diminish, others.
There was a drawer at your house.
“Mattie, open that bottom drawer on the dresser there.”
“This one?” I asked you hesitantly.
“Yes, that one. That’s for you!”
I was dumbstruck. Confused. But why?
“What do you mean? Just for me?”
“Yes, I put that all together down there with you in my mind! Now pull something out and let’s start crafting, dear!”
