I’m not sure when it’s going to happen but I know it’s going to happen.
Probably right here on the crust but if not, in the mycelial or the ethers for sure.
And I’m grinning ear to ear just thinking about it right here and right now.
The mere notion let my belly digest something right here and right now.
You see, I never stopped holding you dear.
I can’t help it. It’s what my emergently-abled brother taught me! I die if I don’t use what he gave me.
I have enough to include those who gave me much to set me free from chunks of empiric fuckery.
Those who saw more of me before I did.
Those who accompanied me just one step towards living more in the real awful wonder of it all.
Oh, I so look forward to it with much grace and gratitude.
I miss your beauty. And your brilliance. And your raw instinctual intelligence.
I’m curious but what I imagine is that we’ll both say,
“It’s good to see you.”
We’ll likely pretty quickly move into self-mockery and mutual musery, lifting out from some of the goop, ick and misery.
I feel my jaw dropping down now with all that you’ve learned in my absence, through the wins and the losses. Through the successes and failures. Through the empowerments and humblings. Through the sun and the lightning.
I can’t wait till I can say, “it wasn’t till you left that I realized how you were always right most everything…!”
I can’t wait till I can playfully say right to your big gorgeous face, “You’re welcome, I’m glad you realize I watered you in that!”
You’re so worldly now, putting yourself right out there right now!
Tears well with appreciation.
And then
And then things must get sober.
A feeling felt of the hurt
and the pain
and the loss
and the potential squandered.
A frown appears from both our trembling lips.
We think for a minute maybe it could’ve been different.
Then, we, with a big simultaneously surrendered sigh let out one of those, “It is what it is.”
At least now
At least now we can bring one another forward with us a bit more, even from a great parallel distance. And center even just 1% more that which we got and a teeny bit less that which what we lost.
And as we reseed what we sowed before with a scattering instead of a planting, a juicier compost allows a wider wellspring of loving remembrance…
…to take fold.